Eat Pray Love

Julia Roberts, James Franco, Billy Crudup, Javier Bardem -- Like watching paint dry. A woman goes to Bali. Then back home to New York. And then on to Italy, where she eats too much pasta. From there she goes to India and studies under some yogi. And finally back to Bali where she meets the love of her life. Definitely a chick flick. I would rate it 2 3/4 out of 5 stars. (2010 - PG-13)

Vampires Suck

Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Diedrich Bader, Ken Jeong, Dave Foley, Crista Flanagan, Ike Barinholtz, David DeLuise -- Every year, there has to be at least one comedy spoof. This year's edition is a take-off on the "Twilight" series. Like all those before (Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Scary Movie, Disaster Movie, and so on) it takes a funny idea, and runs it into the ground. Anyone older than 16 will find the movie boring. Obviously, I didn't like it. I would rate it 2 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2010 - PG-13)

Northville Cemetery Massacre

No one that I had heard of before -- They said that Nick Nolte was in this one. I didn't see him, and there was no mention of him in the credits. However, the score was penned by Michael Nesmith (The Monkees). A woman gets raped by a cop. He tells her to implicate a motorcycle gang instead of him. Her father seeks vengeance on the motorcycle gang. It was a terrible movie. I would rate it 2 out of 5 stars. (1976 - R)

Behind That Curtain

E.L. Park, Boris Karloff, Warner Baxter -- The first "Chalie Chan" ever made. He is in it less than five minutes. A lawyer, hired by Sir George Mannering, is murdered before he gets to tell Sir George about a man that is carrying on with his niece. It looks like Col. John Beetham, his niece's husband, is the murderer. But come to find out, Eric Durand, the jilted lover, is the real murderer. I would rate it 2 3/4 out of 5 stars. (1929 - UR)

Catfish

Nev Schulman, Megan Faccio, Rel Schulman -- Never, never, never start a relationship on the intranet with someone you don't know. This documentary, by Ariel Schulman , follows his brother, Nev, and his attraction to the mysterious "Megan". I want you to see the movie, so I won't give anything away. Trust me, though, you will like it. I would rate it 5 out of 5 stars. (2010 - PG-13)

Somewhere

Stephen Dorff, Elle Fanning, Ellie Kemper, Benicio Del Toro -- Sofia Coppola can not make a movie. No way, no how! If her father, Francis, was not backing her up, no way this movie would have been produced. The film revolves around film star Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff) and his tween daughter, Cleo (Elle Fanning). The things I got from it were: 1) He drives a Ferrari. 2) He plays "Guitar Hero" with his daughter. 3) At some point his daughter and he go to Italy. That's it! I kept on waiting for something to happen. It never did. Although Ellie Kemper was in it (she plays the latest receptionist in "The Office"). I would rate it 2 out of 5 stars. (2010 - R)

Chasing the Green

Jeremy London, Ryan Hurst, William Devane -- Possibly the worst picture I have ever seen! The only actor of note was William Devane. It's a true story about two brothers and the cell phone business they started. Absolutely the worst acting I have seen, and the sets were absolute crap (in this scene, they were in their lawyers office and instead of law books there are Readers Digest Condensed Books on the bookshelf). Even William Devane couldn't pull this one out of the crapper. Jeremy London is currently in "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew". He is a mess. If you don't know what I mean, the movie was crap! I rate it a 0 out of 5 stars. (2009 - NR)

easy A

Emma Stone, Thomas Haden Chuch, Patricia Clarkson, Amanda Bynes, Stanley Tucci, Lisa Kudrow, Malcolm McDowell, Fred Armisen -- An average girl (Emma Stone) lies about "doing it" with a gay guy and she becomes the "School Slut" (even though it is all just a lie). An hour and a half that I will never get back. I would rate it 2 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2010 - PG-13)

Frenemy

Matthew Modine, Adam Baldwin, Zach Galifianakis, Callum Blue -- A really, really weird tale about a cop and some serial killers. It was an hour before I figured the plot out. I wouldn't recommend it to many people. For those of you who remember Matthew Modine in "Full Metal Jacket", Adam Baldwin in "My Bodyguard", and Zach Galifianakis in "Dinner for Smucks", it will be a real disappointment for you. Strangely interesting, nonetheless. I would rate it 3 3/4 out of 5 stars. (2009 - R)

Tiptoes

Kate Beckinsale, Matthew McConauchey, Gary Oldman, Patricia Arquette, Peter Dinklage, David Alan Grier, Debbie Lee Carrington -- About a man who carry's a secret with him - he comes from a family of little people. I can't understand why they had Gary Oldman as the guy's twin brother. Steven (Matthew McConauchey) is normal size, while his twin brother, Rolfe (Gary Oldman), is a little person. The rest of the cast is both normal size and little people. Steven gets Carol (Kate Beckinsale) pregnant. They have a son. He is a little person. Carol moves in with Rolfe. The End. Absolutely abysmal! I would rate it 2 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2003 - R)

Devil

Bokeem Woodbine, Matt Craven, Chris Messina, Bojana Novakovic -- Written (but not directed) by M. Night Shyamalan. Five people in an elevator car. You know what happens next. I won't tell you the ending, but suffice it to say, the devil made him do it. I would give it 4 out of 5 stars. (2010 - PG-13)

Micmacs

Dany Boon, Julie Ferrier, Dominique Pinon, Yolande Moreau -- A guy (Dany Boon) works in a video store in Paris. One day, a shooting happens right outside his building. He is involved with the crossfire. At the hospital, they decide his fate, and leave the bullet in his head, but he could die at any time. He takes refuge with a weird sort of junk collectors. Each one has something special that they do (one is a human calculator, one is a contortionist, one is a human cannonball, etc). He has the casing from the gun that tried to murder him, and a half dissolved landmine that his father tried to disarm when he was in the Army. By accident, he finds the two armament distributors right across the street from one and another. He devises a plan! I couldn't get into it right here (his plan is very involved), but it works. The only problem I had with it was it was in French. But I got through it! I would rate it 4 1/2 out of 5 stars. (I added a half a star for the visual effects.) (2009 - R)

2010: Moby Dick

Barry Bostwick, Renee O'Connor -- Where are Gregory Peck and Richard Basehart when you really need them! For those of you who don't remember, Barry Bostwick used to play the Mayor of New York City in the hit series "Spin City". Renee O'Connor played Gabrielle in the series, "Xena". This time Captain Ahab's ship, The Pequod, is a nuclear submarine and Moby Dick is a 600 foot whale. The sets are minimalist. Asylum Films brought you the epic movies "Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus", and "Mega Python vs Gatoroid". That being said, "Moby Dick" is so bad, that it is good. And, yes, as the soothsayer predicts in "Moby Dick" (the original Herman Melville novel), "All, all, all save one shall perish" . I would rate it 4 out of 5 stars. (2010 - NR)

The Kids Are All Right

Annette Bening, Julianna Moore, Mark Ruffalo, Mia Wasikowska, Josh Hutcherson -- Nic (Annette Bening) and Jules (Julianna Moore) play a lesbian couple with two teenage kids. The teens want to meet their real father (Mark Ruffalo), and arrange to do so. It gets complicated when the father sleeps with one of the mothers. All five of them are surprisingly good, and the soundtrack was great. Shut the front door! I would give it 3 3/4 out of 5 stars. (2010 - R)

The Other Guys

Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Samuel L. Jackson, Dwayne Johnson, Eva Mendez, Micheal Keaton, Rob Riggle, Steve Coogan, Anne Heche, Derek Jeter, Brooke Shields, Rosie Perez, Tracy Morgan, Ice-T -- I have never like Will Ferrell. As a matter of fact, I have only liked him one of his roles. That of Ashley Schaeffer in the HBO series "Eastbound and Down". I also hated him in "The Other Guys". Typical story about a couple of worthless bums who are NYPD cops. All of a sudden, a big case gets dropped in their laps. Further hijinks follow. I didn't think very much of it, and all the stars in the world wouldn't have picked this one up. I would give it a 2 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2010 - PG-13)

Owning Mahowny

Philip Seymour Hoffman, Minnie Driver, John Hurt -- A compulsive gambler has a job in a bank from which he steals over $10 million to feed his habit. A true story. It was okay, but neither Hoffman's or Driver's greatest work. Roger Ebert ranked it "one of 2003's best movies". I guess he was high from chemotherapy that day. I would rate it 3 out of 5 stars. (2003 - R)

Restrepo

The Americans name their Outposts after fallen comrades. Hence, Firebase Restrepo. It follows a year in the lives of the Army Second Platoon in the Korengal Valley in Afghanistan. (2010 - R)

Shrek Forever After

Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas -- Thank God the fourth, and final, has been put to rest and I don't think there will any more Shrek movies! The first one was cute; the second one was a bit over the top; the third one was down right annoying; and so fourth one..... the fourth one...... the fourth one.....Awe skip it. I thought it was awful. I would give it 2 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2010 - PG-13)

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Dakota Fanning -- Be forewarned, any of you straight guys (and I consider myself a straight guy) knock back an Abien before you see this movie with your girlfriend. Teen angst! This one finds the vampires and the werewolves teaming up to fight the "Newbornes" (the newly crossed-over vampires). In each one of the Twilight Sagas, there is about five minutes of some awesome special effects (#1 was the baseball game, #2 was the werewolves, and #3 was the fight scene) surrounded by two hours of teen angst. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't recommend this one. I would rate it 2 out of 5 stars. (2010 - PG-13)

Cemetery Junction

Ricky Gervais, Ralph Fiennes, Emily Watson -- It tried to hard! I gave up on it after 45 minutes. A bunch of working stiffs in a place called Cemetery Junction. British comedy (maybe that's why it's so God awful). I would give it 1 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2010 - R)

Love Ranch

Helen Mirren, Joe Pesci, Gina Gershon, Taryn Manning, Bryan Cranston -- Marginally true story of the Mustang Ranch, in Nevada brothel, (in the story it is the "Love Ranch") and its owners Grace (Helen Mirren) and Charlie (Joe Pesci) Bontempo. Charlie buys a boxer's contract and starts training him at the Love Ranch. Grace ends up falling in love with the boxer. Despite all the stars, it was pretty slow going. Helen Mirren did all the acting in this movie. I am going to have to put it on my "do not see" list. I would rate it 2 3/4 out of 5 stars. (2010 - R)

You Don't Know Jack

Al Pacino, John Goodwin, Susan Sarandon, Brenda Vaccaro -- The life and times of Jack Kevorkian. As usual, HBO Films was spot on in its portrayal of Dr. Kevorkian (Al Pacino). I thought it was an excellent film. Directed by Barry Levinson. You should see it! I would rate it 5 out of 5 stars. (2009 - NR)

$5 a Day

Christopher Walken, Alessandro Nivola, Sharon Stone, Dean Cain, Amanda Peet, Peter Coyote -- I love Christopher Walken and have done so for over thirty years (I first saw him in "Annie Hall" by Woody Allen). This latest offering, "$5 a Day", is no exception. Walken plays a guy who exists on five dollars a day because he takes advantage of all sorts of free stuff (such as the free breakfast when it is your birthday at IHOP). He talks his son into going with him on a trip across the country. Further hijinks ensue. Sharon Stone is good as the "Babysitter". I would rate it 3 3/4 out of 5 stars. (2008 - PG-13)

The Disappearance of Alice Creed

Gemma Arterton, Martin Compston, Eddie Marsan -- A really weird tale about a couple of guys and kidnapped heiress. Alice (Gemma Arterton) is held hostage by Danny (Martin Compston) and Vic (Eddie Marsan) for $2 million in ransom. The plot keeps sifting. I liked it. I have seen Eddie Marsan several times including "Sherlock Holmes", "Happy-Go-Lucky", and "Me and Orson Welles". I think he is a fine actor. I would rate it 4 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2009 - R)

RKO 281

Liev Schreiber, James Cromwell, John Malkovich, Roy Scheider, Melanie Griffith -- The second movie I have watched in a month where the main character is Orson Welles. This time the plot revolves around his filming "Citizen Kane" and about William Randolph Heart's trying to stop the project. Another HBO film. I would rate it 4 1/2 out of 5 stars. (1999 - R)

The Good, The Bad, and The Weird

Woo-sung Jung (The Good), Byung-hun Lee (The Bad), Kang-ho Song (The Weird) -- Remake of "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" with a little of "Raiders of the Lost Ark" thrown in for good measure. In the 1930's, three outlaws battle the Japanese army and Chinese bandits for control of a treasure map. It was in Korean but I managed to get the gist of the thing. Awesome fight scenes! I would rate it a 4 out of 5 stars. (2008 - R)

The Lightkeepers

Richard Dreyfuss, Blythe Danner, Bruce Dern -- All of the actors were flat! It was like they showed up at a place, read some lines, and then went home. It was all right, just not anything spectacular. The story is, Seth Atkins (Richard Dreyfuss) runs a lighthouse in 1912 Cape Cod. A stranger washes up on shore who has the same proclivity as Seth; he hates women. One day, a pair of vacationers, both women, show up next door. Come to find out, the woman is Seth's wife. Further merriment follows. The End. Harmless fun, but I wouldn't recommend it. I would give it 2 3/4 out of 5 stars. (2009 - PG)

The Last Airbender

Noah Ringer, Aasif Mandvi, Dav Patel -- Based on "Avatar" series. I thought the best part was Aasif Mandvi (from the Daily Show") playing the evil Commander Zhao. A boy (Noah Ringer), the last of the Air Nomads, gets rescued by Katara (Nicola Peltz) and Sokka (Jackson Rathbone). Commander Zhoa tries to stop them before the boy finishes training. Neat special effects, but I was bored with it. I would rate it 2 3/4 out of 5 stars. (2010 - PG)

Malice

Nicole Kidman, Alec Baldwin, Bill Pullman, Bebe Neuwirth, George C. Scott, Anne Bancroft, Peter Gallagher, Gwyneth Paltrow, Joshua Malina, Tobin Bell -- Exactly like "A Few Good Men", only a Doctor (Alec Baldwin) has the "God Complex", instead of Col. Jessup (Jack Nicholson). Especially in the "Discovery" scene in the movie. It was real obvious that Aaron Sorkin had written it. I liked the movie, but it was old hat. A college professor (Bill Pullman) and his wife (Nicole Kidman) sue a Doctor. From there, the plot gets more involved. I definitely think that it's one you should see, if only for the writing. I would rate it 4 out of 5 stars. (1993 - R)

Bare Knuckles

Jeanette Roxborough, Martin Kove, Chris Mulkey -- Like "Lionheart" with chicks. Samantha (Jeanette Roxborough) teams up fight promoter, Sonny (Martin Kove), and manager, Al (Chris Mulkey), to take on women's boxing (bare knuckle variety). Martin Kove was the "Sensei" of the "Cobra Kai Martial Arts Academy" in "The Karate Kid" movies (the one's with Mr. Miyagi in them). He went from bad to worse. Utterly pathetic. The bright spot is Trixie (Dana Reed), as one of the women boxers. I would rate it 2 1/4 out of 5 stars. (2009 - PG-13)

Hitler Meets Christ

Micheal Moriarty, Wyatt Page -- The two men, Hitler and Christ, discuss life in the Port Authority Bus Terminal. Written by Moriarty. I gave it a half an hour and then I turned it off. He was much better in "Pale Rider". I would rate it 1 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2007 - NR)

Changeling

Angelina Jolie, John Malkovich, Jeffrey Dovovan -- Directed By Clint Eastwood. True story. About the corrupt-ridden LAPD during the late 20s and early 30s. Jolie plays a woman desperately searching for her son after he is kidnapped. I think it is Eastwood's finest work. Much better on big screen. I would rate it 5 out of 5 stars. (2008 - R)

The Killer Inside Me

Casey Affleck, Kate Hudson, Jessica Alba, Ned Beatty, Simon Baker, Bill Pullman -- A West Texas sheriff is slowly unmasked as a psychotic killer. It take a lot of twists and turns in it. Kind of confusing, but still great. "Adult Fare" if ever there was one. The main character was off the wall. It held my interest.... for sure! I would give it 4 out of 5 stars. (2007- R)

Knocked Up

Seth Rogen, Katherine Heigl, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Jason Segel, Jay Baruchel, Jonah Hill, Martin Starr, Charlyne Yi, Joanna Kerns, Harold Ramis, Kristen Wiig, Alan Tudyk, Bill Hader, Ken Jeong, Craig Robinson, Mo Collins, B.J. Novak, Jessica Alba, Steve Carell, Andy Dick, James Franco, Eve Mendez, Ryan Seacrest, Dax Shepard -- I admit it.... I love this movie. Seth Rogen plays a schlub of a guy who impregnantes Katherine Heigl. The mirth continues. I especially liked Paul Rudd in the role of the brother-in-law. Best line of the whole movie: "I think you should get a shma-shmortion at the shma-shmortion clinic". I would rate it 5 out of 5 stars. (2007 - R)

Flakes

Zooey Deschanel, Aaron Stanford, Christopher Lloyd, Keir O'Donnell, -- A novel idea ("cereals only" eatery) managed by Neal (Aaron Stanford) and owned by Willie (Christopher Lloyd). Neal's girlfriend (Zooey Desckanel) goes to work right across the street at another "cereals only" restaurant owned by Stewart (Keir O'Donnell). Further hijinks ensue. In the end, everything works out and the four go in to business together. The End. It needed more jokes and less angst. I would rate it 3 out of 5 stars. (2007 - NR)

Elephant

Timothy Bottoms, Alex Frost, Eric Deulen, John Robinson -- Gus Van Sant's fictional account of what happened at the Columbine High School massacre. I saw it right before I had my stroke, but I forgot it. An HBO film, that I admit I liked very much (although the "Steadicam" takes some getting used to). I would give it 4 out of 5 stars. (2003 - R)

She's Crushed

Natalie Dickinson, Henrik Norlen, Keith Malley -- Definitely rated R for gore! But I can watch all most anything. Takes unrequited love to the next step. But didn't the little boy learn never to go someplace with a stranger? Keith Malley was the officemate. He was a scream! P.S. I watched it during the day, I couldn't watch it at night. I would rate it 3 out of 5 stars. (2009 - NR)

That Evening Sun

Hal Holbrook, Ray McKinnon, Mia Wasikowska, Barry Corbin, Dixie Carter, Walton Goggins -- About a man (Hal Holbrook) who "escapes" from a nursing home and goes back to the farm where he did his whole life's work. Once back there, he discovers a strange family (Ray McKinnon, Carrie Preston and Mia Wasikowska) living, all though he owns the deed to the place. He moves into the "sharecropper's cabin" and plots to take the farm back. In the end, he gets rid of the tenant but he goes back the nursing home. Very confusing. I would rate it 3 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2009 - PG-13)

Boogie Woogie

Heather Graham, Amanda Seyfried, Christopher Lee, Charlotte Rampling -- An art dealer tries to con a recluse into selling him an oil painting worth millions. The backdrop is the contemporary London art scene. It definitely is "R" rated. I thought about cutting the film off, but I wanted to see where then next scene would lead. All in all, I decided it needed a 3 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2009 - R)

God Grew Tired of Us

Panther Bior, John Bul Dau, Daniel Abol Pach -- Part of the "Lost Boys" contingent that came to America after war broke out in their homeland of Sudan. A documentary. Interesting. I would rate it a 3 out of 5 stars. (2006 - PG)

Holy Rollers

Jesse Eisenberg, Justin Bartha, Ari Graynor -- An Hasidic Jew gets into drug smuggling in the late 90s. Based on a true story, a Brighton Beach native makes the trip from Amsterdam to New York using other Hasidic Jews to smuggle "Ecstasy". Very interesting. I would rate it 4 out of 5 stars. (2010 - R)

Robin Hood

Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Max von Sydow, William Hurt, Mark Addy -- A much better addition of Robin Hood then I could possibly imagine. Much better than "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves".(Which starred Kevin Costner) Although I still like "The Adventures of Robin Hood" starring Errol Flynn better, the characters in "Robin Hood", particularly those the "Merry Men", were spot on. I especially liked FriarTuck. I would gave it a good, solid 4 out of 5 stars. (2010 - PG - 13)

Winter's Bone

Jennifer Lawrence, John Hawkes -- Set in the modern-day Missouri Okark Mountians, a young girl (Jennifer Lawrence) sets out to find if her father is dead or alive. It was very confussing. In the end, her father is indeed dead. The one thing I got out of it was bond her father took when he was released from jail. The bondsman was going to take her house if the father was still alive. I would rate it 3 out of 5 stars. (2010 - R)

Oceans

A nice Disney movie about...... the oceans. Some real good footage, but I wished I'd seen it on IMAX. Narrated by Pierce Brosnan. Kind of like the TV series of the same name. (As seen on the Discovery Channel) I would rate it 3 3/4 out of 5 stars. (2009 - G)

Please Give

Catherine Keener, Oliver Platt, Sarah Steele, Rebecca Hall, Amanda Peet, Josh Pais -- A chick flick. A Woody Allen movie without Woody Allen (Writer/Director Nicole Holofcener). A woman and her family live next door to a 90 year old woman and her granddaughters. The husband has an affair with one of the grandkids. And if your wondering, the granddaughter is almost 30.That was it. $250 for a pair of jeans? I would rate it 3 out of 5 stars. (2010 - R)

True Grit

John Wayne, Kim Darby, Glen Campbell, Robert Duvall, Dennis Hopper, Strother Martin, John Fielder -- A stubborn young woman (Kim Darby) hires a drunken US Marshal (John Wayne) to track down her father's killer. I watched it because an updated version is coming out in December. I had forgotten what a wonderful film it was. I would rate it 4 1/2 out of 5 stars. (1969 - G)

Smokin' Aces

Ryan Reynolds, Ray Liotta, Jeremy Piven, Ben Affleck, Andy Garcia, Alicia Keys, Chris Pine, Curtis Armstong, Jason Bateman, Wayne Newton -- Despite all the stars in it, it was still a terrible movie. (Although "Smoking Aces 2" was an even worse movie.) A mob boss puts a hit out on an entertainer (Jeremy Piven). Come to find out, the mop boss is actually the entertainer's father. He wants his heart to replace the one that he has. All the stars in the universe could not hold this one together. I would rate it 3 out of 5 stars. (2006 - R)

Take

Minnie Driver, Jeremy Renner, David Denman -- The story Ana (Minnie Driver) and Saul (Jeremy Renner) and how their lives intersect for one moment. Basically, he is a lowlife gambler who kills her kid during a robbery attempt. I didn't get two things. 1) how her kid dies and 2) why is she towing that trailer around with all her kid's things in it. Okay job for first-time director Charles Oliver. I would rate it 3 out of 5 stars. (2007 - R)

Manson: My Name is Evil

Gregory Smith, Kristen Hager, Ryan Robbins -- Loosely based on the trial of Leslie Van Houten and apparent love of someone on the jury with her. Originally titled "Leslie: My Name is Evil" but I guess they thought that Manson's name would sell the movie. It was screened at the Toronto International Film Festival. Not one person I recognized. I thought it was okay, but not anything spectacular. It was a Dark Comedy. I would give it 3 out of 5 stars. (2009 - R)

MacGruber

Will Forte, Kristen Wiig, Val Kilmer, Powers Boothe, Maya Rudolph, Ryan Phillippe -- I could only stand about 45 minutes of it and then I had to turn it off! On Saturday Night Live he gets rubbed out in about 15 seconds. An hour and a half long movie expanded on that, it still had the dumbest stuff imaginable. Watch it if you dare! I would rate it 1 1/2 out of 5 stars. (2010 - R)